epicrapbattlesofhistoryfandomcom-20200222-history
Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris/Rap Meanings
'Abe Lincoln:' Four score and sixty-five years in the past, (Lincoln's famous Gettysburg Address begins with "Four score and 7 years ago..." In the battle, four score and 65 years means 145 years ago.) I won the Civil War with my beard. Now I'm here to whup your ass! (145 years before the release of the battle, Abe Lincoln led the Union to victory in the American Civil War, and he claims that he did this with his beard, which is one of his well-known characteristics. He was the first president to grow a beard, as an 11-year old girl named Grace Bedell had written him a letter to do so, and it is considered that because he did, it may have had a positive impact on his victory during his presidential campaign. Now he has come to beat Chuck Norris as he did with the Confederates during the Civil War.) I've read up on your facts. You cure cancer with your tears? ("Chuck Norris facts" are a very popular meme on the Internet; they are exaggerations of Norris' strength, as he usually did amazing stunts in his movies. Curing cancer with tears is a Chuck Norris fact, saying that Chuck Norris never cries, so his tears, if shed, are able to cure cancer, which is yet to be cured.) Well, tell me, Chuck. How come you never sat down and cried on your career? (If Chuck can cure cancer with his tears, he should cry about his acting career, as he stopped appearing often in movies and television shows after the 1990s.) You're a washed-up has-been, on TV selling Total Gyms. (He is calling Chuck a sell-out. Chuck also advertised for Total Gyms, an exercising equipment.) And you're gonna lose this battle like you lost Return of the Dragon. (In the movie "Return of the Dragon", Chuck Norris lost a battle against Bruce Lee.) I'll rip your chest hairs out, put 'em in my mouth. (In the same battle, Bruce Lee ripped Chuck's chest hairs out. He didn't put them in his mouth though.) I'll squash you like I squashed the South! (Abe defeated the South in the American Civil War, and he plans on doing the same to Norris.) I never told a lie, and I won't start now. (He was also known as 'Honest Abe', since he never told a lie, and he won't start to tell lies.) You're a horse with a limp, I will put you down! (Horses with limps are often put down (killed) because of the high medical costs and to end their suffering.) 'Chuck Norris:' This isn't Gettysburg punk, I'd suggest retreating. (Lincoln's troops had a huge victory in the battle of Gettysburg, a turning point in the Civil War. Norris is saying this battle is nowhere near that.) For I invented rap music when my heart started beating. (Chuck Norris fact: Chuck Norris' heartbeat was the first ever rap beat, so he invented rap once he was born, meaning he is skilled in it.) Chuck Norris doesn't battle, he just allows you to lose. (Another Chuck Norris fact: Chuck Norris won't need to battle, he says Lincoln already lost just for being against Chuck Norris, who never loses.) My raps will blow you mind like a verbal John Wilkes Booth. (John Wilkes Booth was the man who assassinated Abe Lincoln by shooting him in the head, literally "blowing his mind". Chuck is claiming his raps will do the same.) 'Abe Lincoln:' I've got my face on the side of a mountain. You voted for John McCain! (Abe Lincoln's face is carved on Mt. Rushmore. Chuck Norris is also a devoted member of the Republican party. Abe is saying that if Chuck is so awesome, why did he vote for John McCain, the losing presidential nominee?) I've got a bucket full of my head, and I'm about to make it rain! (He is holding a bucket full of pennies, which have Abe's face on them. In strip clubs, people 'make it rain' by throwing stacks of money to the dancers. Abe will do the same, but with pennies, which will seem a bit more uncomfortable.) You block bullets with your beard? I catch 'em with my skull. (Yet another Chuck Norris fact: Chuck's beard is tough enough to stop any oncoming bullets. Abe got shot in the head, so he "caught" the bullet with his skull. He is also using this as a taunt against Chuck.) I'd make fun of Walker, Texas Ranger, but I've never even seen that show. ("Walker, Texas Ranger" is a TV show starring Chuck Norris. Abe is saying that he hasn't seen it, probably because he didn't like it, or more likely because it wasn't aired until nearly 130 years after his death.) 'Chuck Norris:' I am Chuck Fucking Norris! (Chuck is angry that Abe can think he can beat him, as he is Chuck Fucking Norris.) I've spread more blood and gore than 40 score of your puny Civil Wars, bitch! (A score is 20 years, so 40 score is 800. The Civil war took around 4 years. So Chuck says he has spread more blood and gore than 800 Civil Wars. There is an estimated amount of 620,000 soldiers killed in the Civil War, which is 496 million people, and that's a lot.) I split the Union with a roundhouse kick. (The Union was led by Abe Lincoln during the Civil War. A roundhouse kick is a martial arts move, in which Chuck is particularly skilled in. It's often considered his signature move.) I wear a black belt on the beard that I grow on my dick! (More Chuck Norris facts: even Chuck's dick has its own black belt and beard.) I attack sharks when I smell them bleed. (Chuck Norris fact: when sharks smell blood, they normally attack, but Chuck can attack it faster once he smells the blood on it.) I don't go swimming, water just wants to be around me. (Chuck Norris fact: Chuck Norris doesn't actually enter water, it just wants to be around him.) My fists make the speed of light wish that it was faster. (Chuck Norris fact: the speed of light is the fastest things in the universe, but it still can't beat the speed of Chuck Norris' fists, and it wishes it was quicker.) You may have freed the slaves, but Chuck is everyone's master! (Abe Lincoln won the Civil War, resulting in the abolishing of slavery. Despite Abe freeing the slaves, we are all still slaves of Chuck, another Chuck Norris fact.) Category:Epic Rap Battles of History 3 Category:Season 1 Category:Rap Meanings Category:Abe Lincoln Category:Chuck Norris Category:Nice Peter Category:EpicLLOYD